Back Off, Mama Bear

I’m not sure exactly when it happened -sometime in the 2 hours of pushing- between being pregnant and holding our sweet girl, I became an immediate authority on all things baby. Expert even. That is to say if you’re talking about me vs. my husband.

If you follow my blog you already know that before having McKinley I had never so much as changed a diaper. Oddly enough my husband had far more experience with babies than I did. He was more confident, comfortable, and far less overwhelmed. You would think I would have loved this and taken a back seat to his obvious seniority in the department of childcare.. wrong. For some reason we as mothers (I think it’s acceptable for me to paint with a broad brush here) feel there is one way to do things when it comes to our children.. the right way. I mean our way.

Immediately there was this push/pull in our marriage. This line down the middle of my way vs. his way. (100% my doing) We felt less like a team and more like two people with absolutely no sleep trying to navigate this whole new dynamic. I would get so worked up if she was crying and just assume it was because he was holding her “wrong” or feeding her “wrong” etc. It took everything in me not to just jump in and do it myself. (you know, the right way)

Finally after this had gone on far too long that sweet, patient man lost it. He had had enough of my psycho controlling behavior and told me it was time to back off!  I still don’t know how he put up with it as long as he did.

I had to realize, even though I did carry her for 40 weeks (every. last. day. she came naturally on her due date) she wasn’t mine. She was his kid too. I was not the end all be all in the raising of this tiny human. I needed to let go and back off!

To this day I struggle with this, and if I’m being honest I probably always will. When Ainsley was born we went through a similar adjustment period, but thankfully it was much more brief and I wasn’t quite as unreasonable. I realized our kids need to be raised by their father, not their mother’s controlling version of what he is allowed to do. As mothers when we are blessed with supportive, involved, loving fathers we need to try our best to just back off and be grateful!

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