There is a warm darkness in the room being lit only by the candles on the table. You can see the flame flicker in your lover’s eyes. You’ve enjoyed a slow, romantic dinner and are savoring the last few sips of your cocktail. The air is thick with anticipation, knowing where the night is headed. You make your way back to the bedroom.. gazing at each other.. heat building.. when suddenly.. SMACK!!!! Your toddler hits you in the face with an empty sippy cup and screams MILK!!
Did you think that was really happening? You were dreaming. You have kids… slow, romantic evenings aren’t exactly a regular thing these days. There’s a shift that happens in your sex life when you have children. (children affect EVERYTHING in a marriage, but romance is at the top of the list) It becomes less a spontaneous act of passion, and more something you have to be intentional about. You can’t exactly let yourself get carried away in the moment while your children are sitting in the living room eating cheerios and playing with their toys.
Foreplay goes from an evening of flirty banter and physical cat and mouse, to a nod and a wink when they talk about Caroline’s Moo Muffins on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. So much energy goes into running a house and raising these tiny humans that often times neither of you have much left at the end of the night for each other. It’s easy to go a day, or two, or several and before you know it the “not having sex” becomes the norm of the romantic life. When too much time goes by it makes it so much more awkward when you try to get things going again.
At the base of this beautiful life you have created is your marriage. It is the foundation for which everything else is built. It is imperative that time for intimacy be a priority, whatever that looks like for you. If we put off time to connect for all of the responsibilities we have, before we know it that person we once couldn’t keep our hands off of, will seem like a stranger. Make the effort today to set aside some time to connect with your spouse, even if it’s 20 mins after you FINALLY get the kiddos to bed and the house (somewhat) put back together. You won’t regret it, you might even enjoy it.