To the girl who thinks she’s fat,
I see you second guessing every single thing you eat or drink. Judging yourself relentlessly for every bite of something that you “shouldn’t” have. Casting so much shame on yourself for something most people do mindlessly all day, everyday.
I see you feeling the pang of disappointment when you have to buy the size 2 pants because no matter how hard you try, you just can’t wear the 0’s. Looking into every mirror (or reflective surface) with disgust and disappointment. Pulling on the skin of your stomach that you’re convinced is fat and wondering what it will take to finally get to your “goal weight”.
I see the smile you plaster on your face and the illusion of confidence you put out for the world. You have everything together on the outside, but I know on the inside you feel like a total fraud.
I see you. I am you. 10 years and a lot of life later.
I see you about to go through life-changing events. You’re on the brink of learning some difficult, painful lessons. Your whole world that you’re fighting desperately to hold together is about to implode and you’ll be devastated.
I see you pick up the pieces. You move on to a new life, still with many challenges, but more opportunity than you could have imagined. You grow, mature, and change. You develop strength that you never knew existed.
I see you realizing your worth has nothing to do with the number on the scale or the size of your jeans. I see you developing real, honest friendships without the doubt of your physical appearance being any part of that. I see you understanding that you are valuable as a woman far more for your thoughts and ideas than your body.
I see you finally let go of the pain of the past and embracing the beauty of the present. I see you gain and lose over 60lbs to create two of the most precious humans that have been on this earth. You give up the idea of perfection and open up to the messiness that is being a wife and mother. I see you lose yourself entirely in your new roll only to find who you’re truly meant to be.
I see you, you’re strong, confident, and perfect.