Giving Up Changed My Life

There was a time in my life, not long ago for the sake of full disclosure, that “God” wasn’t exactly part of my vocabulary. If I used the word it was certainly in vain and for profanity’s sake. I was absolutely too cool to be religious. It wasn’t for me, I had it all figured out. To me religion was for the weak, foolish people who obviously hadn’t thought it all through. I would even go as far as to say for a period of time I identified as an atheist.

As cliche as it sounds, and as it is quite frankly, that was until I hit my own personal rock bottom. I will never forget the day I was sitting on my mattress on the floor of a rented bedroom in a house full of guys I had met on Craigslist in Charleston, SC. Another short-term, terribly unhealthy relationship had recently ended, I was working two jobs, and I was the loneliest I had ever been.

I don’t know what came over me, but out of nowhere, I looked up and said “Ok. Ok, I get it. I give up. I can’t do this by myself anymore. I need your help.”

Lightning didn’t strike, there wasn’t a giant booming voice that called down telling me everything was going to be ok. The only immediate change was me. My heart changed in that moment. I let go. I let go of the burden of my mistakes and the belief that I had the power to handle everything myself.

Less than a week later I went on a blind date (with hesitation- because of aforementioned short-term, unhealthy relationship ending I was in a “no dating” phase). That night I met a man with the cutest smile and kindest eyes I had ever seen. For whatever reason(s) I immediately trusted him and felt safe. One month later he asked me to marry him and 6 months after that blind date we were on our honeymoon.

This story is personal to me and until very recently know one (not even my husband) had heard it- I don’t want the point of this message to be mistaken- I’m not saying “welcome God into your life and you’ll immediately meet the man of your dreams and live happily ever after!” What I am saying is sometimes we have to let go and stop trying to be so in control. Once I finally accepted that I was part of a bigger plan, and that I needed to lean into it and stop fighting it, my heart and mind were opened to things they never would have been.

If things aren’t going your way, or you’re struggling in a certain season of life- I encourage you to take a deep breath, and let go. Release the weight of the situation to someone who is far more capable of carrying it. You never know what may happen next and you don’t want to be so weighed down by your burdens that you miss it.

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. This is such a wondeful story! Mine is similar. I always said ‘sure I believe in God’ but my actions and words certainly didn’t reflect that life. I had just got out of a horrible relationship with a guy I was living with and had been in and off with for 4 years. I ended it, started a new job and found a tiny dump of a house to rent. I had nothing. No fridg, no microwave, no stove. But my stubborn self was going to make it. A few weeks latee I met a man who was everything I wanted and I never knew it! We dated for a few months then superbowl sunday 2012 I was engaged and by June I was Mrs. Sullivan. I went from no kids to being a step mom of 2! I was in a whole new world and I found myself 6 months pregnant, sitting on the bathroom floor bathing my 2 year old step daughter and scared to death of being a mom. Right then, I realized that these lititle people will grow up and live out the example I am setting. I called my husband in and said ‘We need to get our life together. We need to go to church. These kids are our responsibility and we will be held accountable for how they are raised.’ I found my way back to God after straying away and struggling on my own for so long. I’m not perfect and I don’t try to be, but I sure try a lot harder to be the person he has created me to be.
    I’m not sure how instumbled across your site/IG but I’m so glad I did! Always love getting encouragement from other Jesus-loving mamas!

    xo

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    1. Your story just gave me goosebumps– I love when we (especially as moms) can just be real and say we struggled, things haven’t always been great, but we’re working on ourselves for our families! I am sure you are a wonderful mama to those sweet babies. So glad you stumbled across my site too! Have a great day!

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  2. I can’t wait to catch up and start following you! : )

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