My Children Will Never Come First

There’s this idea that when we become a mom everything changes and we cease to be the person we were before we had children. To some extent I agree with that, but completely disagree at the same time. What can I say, I’m complicated.

I lost myself in that belief for awhile after McKinley was born. Chad and I were married for all of 5 minutes before we got pregnant with McKinley so I didn’t have much time as his wife before becoming the mother of his child. That blessing meant the entire first year of our marriage was spent with me either being pregnant or having a newborn. In those crazy times with everything you know as a couple and as individuals changing, how do you stay “you”? If you have an answer for this please let me know because it was not something we were particularly successful at in the moment.


We found a groove as a new family of 3 and we adjusted to this parenting thing pretty well so naturally when we finally felt like we were getting the hang of it and finding our way back to “us” we did what every rational couple would do- we got pregnant again! During my pregnancy with Ainsley and immediately after she was born we went through a lot of changes. Chad started a new job, we moved to a different city and, oh yeah, we became a family of 4.

The first 2 1/2 years of our marriage were a whirlwind to put it mildly, and though we always said “we put our marriage first”, if we’re both being honest (especially me) I’m not sure we did.

Once we were through the immediate healing and craziness of postpartum we knew this time had to be different. Letting ourselves be consumed by the daily raising of these girls would be easy- fighting to make ourselves #1 would not, but if we wanted this marriage to last it was essential.

We committed to dating each other- even just at home- and finding that guy and girl that fell in love because parenting will do it’s damnedest to steal that from you. When put in situations where the girls want my attention, but Chad needs me to see him and be in the moment with him, I choose him. I’m not saying we neglect our children, what I’m saying is we know our relationship is the foundation on which they will be raised and we need to be working on that daily.

I love my girls with my whole mommy heart, but I love their daddy first.


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