Touched. Out.

I remember the days before we became “mommy and daddy”. We were SO in love we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other… seriously! We were so consumed with being 100% present with one another we literally couldn’t watch a movie for the first 6 months of our relationship. We would last about 10 minutes and start talking about anything and everything. It was overwhelming how much we genuinely could not get enough of each other.

Then he knocked me up. (We were married and he hates when I say it that way, but I was the pregnant one so my prerogative, right?)  The change happened almost overnight. It was within days of realizing I was pregnant that I came down with “morning sickness”. Any other mamas call bullshit? Mine was morning, noon, and night sickness. All. Day. Every. Day. for 21 weeks. Think that cramped our bedroom style?

Because of me being sick we missed that sweet spot in pregnancy- the time before you turn into a giant, unable to move naturally, cow. I can hear some of you now “pregnancy is beautiful- you were glowing- embrace the bump” ok- go ahead, but me? I HATED it! Anyone that knows anything about women also knows that if a woman isn’t comfortable in her own skin there’s little to no chance she’s putting out.

We made it through the pregnancy (somehow) and found our groove again a handful of months after- then, of course, we went for it again! Baby #2 was on her way. 40 weeks of similar problems and it was time to figure “us” out again.

This time was different. This time Chad and I had committed to a healthier lifestyle. This time I was pouring back into myself and gaining a level of confidence I had NEVER had. It was helping- big time- but something still wasn’t the same as it used to be.

We took a trip to Mexico a few weeks ago and the plane barely landed and we were us- the old us- but better! We had the flirting, fun and connection but we also had all the wonderful history we’ve created that made us stronger. The week was incredible and I knew it was the turning point. Then we got home and jumped into an 8 day stretch of Chad working and me alone with the girls, followed by a visit from my father-in-law. What happened to Mexico us? Did we get it all back just to lose it overnight?

Then I realized- I’m touched out. I found my problem- I had suspected it might be part of it, but it wasn’t until I got to just be Erin and not mommy for a whole week that I saw how much of a problem it really was. I take care of 2 tiny humans all day every day and one or both of them is almost constantly touching me. By the time Chad gets home and we get the girls to bed I just need to breathe. I need space. It’s like I’ve used up all of my physical touch for the day and have nothing left to give. I know this is an area I need to focus on- immediately- I just don’t know where to start.

Please comment below with how you go from “mommy” to “wife” because it’s something I need to master ASAP!