I’m not sure when it happened. I suppose slowly over the past year as I have been working daily to get healthier physically, mentally and emotionally, but somehow it feels more sudden. I no longer hate my body.
As long as I can remember I have had a mental list of things, if given the chance, I would change about my body. (It wasn’t short) I think the most ridiculous one I can remember is my feet- there was a time if plastic surgery for different feet was an option I’m sure I would have jumped at the chance. The one that bothered me the most though, was my constant desire for “chicken legs”. I have always wished I had those long, skinny legs with not an ounce of fat or muscle. I hated my “athletic” legs and wished more than anything that I would have been born with skinny legs.
It didn’t occur to me until the other day that that desire had disappeared. I was getting ready and caught a glimpse of my legs in shorts in the mirror and, for the first time, did the “wow” head nod. This may seem vain and stupid to you, but it meant more to me. It meant I had let something that had been hanging over me for years go. It meant instead of wishing to be something I wasn’t, I was proud of myself.
I’m sure some of you are reading this with an eye roll thinking to yourself that I have never had a weight issue and that I need to shut up about wanting to be “skinny”. I say this to you with love- I will never shut up about it. Letting go of that unhealthy expectation and desire for myself is something I never thought I could do, and am very proud of. I say this for all of the women who may, on the outside, not appear to have a weight issue, but struggle internally with confidence.
I’m not sure if it was entering into my 30’s, having two baby girls, or starting my health journey, but I think it was the perfect storm of all 3. Whatever self-doubt or baggage you’re carrying from the past- I encourage you to do the work you need to do to let it go. Life is way too short to keep repeating negative lies to ourselves.